Good after evening and welcome to… Procrastination.
It’s been a long two weeks. Of doing very little.
I’ve come to a point in my musical career where everything is mostly at a standstill.
I’ve never been prone to a lot of songwriting anyway, but since my graduation almost two years ago, I’ve barely sat down even to my piano. Which is sad, considering how many jazz books I bought that are at present collecting dust. I feel that with everything creative, be it writing, drawing, music, perhaps even dance, there comes a point that if you’re not in the right place for it mentally even physically, it becomes more of a chore than a hobby.
This is my affair with music.
At the moment, my boyfriend has set up a small home studio for himself consisting of; a very expensive laptop from MSI; Cubase, a music production program not unlike Logic but PC friendly, which also came with a few extras; samples for said production program; and a very snazzy set of speakers. On top of this he’s rented out a French Horn to start learning how to play, and has been getting tips on it from one of the members of the orchestra he’s in.
Did I mention that he’s in an orchestra? Yeah.
And then there’s me. With my ukulele. That I’ve played three times since I bought it. In December.
My ukulele doesn’t even light up.
I’m not jealous, and neither do I feel like a lesser musician than him for it. But it certainly has an impact on how I start to see myself, in the future. I have no idea about whether or not I really want to continue pursuing music, and if I do, in what capacity? Do I want to be a vocalist? Lead or backing? Maybe I just want to focus on playing piano again. Solo or ensemble? None of these things I can say for sure.
I’m spending a lot more of my time trying to figure out what I’m doing right now. How I’m living. Where I’m living. How can I afford the things I think I want in later life? What kind of job will get me there? Will it be some kind of droll desk job or will it be in the heart of a music scene?
If there’s one thing I am certain of, however, in this vast world of forked paths and treble clefs, I will always want to play the piano. No matter what. No matter where, why, how.
(Note from Feather: Here’s a song Fenwick created in her years studying music. I think it’s awesome. If you do too, don’t forget to leave a comment below, and don’t forget to check out her other posts!)
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